obstacles of the mind

So this blog im about to write is well certifying that I am infact a duality.. of thought and emotion..
A month ago It was as though I inhaled this magical whiff of air that lifted me up from the heavy gravitational pull of reality.. My feet are hinged to the ground now.. searching for that lil scent of magic, but cannot seem to find it.
Things have been slow this month, maybe due to my emotional outbreaks that I am convinced define me as an artist, its in my dysfunctionality that I can move along on the quest of something so irrational and undefinable..
I havent danced in a while , and am feeling a loss of inspiration... not sure why this happened.. and even if i think i know the reason.. it may be too personal to share.
Ive been eternally caught up in the nature of motivation... in understanding this concept, looking at it from outside myself, tryin to analyse and recognise it..
What motivates me to continue dancing? How long will this motivation last? Is this motivation a real one or one created to sustain my ego?
Then I stop and think to myself... does it even matter what my motivations are?
At one point, I was motivated to prove something to somebody close to me, that I was important and special, that I could be someone..
Now I dont feel the need to prove anything, so what is motivating me to go on chasing something I cannot even describe to myself.. let alone articulate.
I wanted to be better than what it is I am.. but now I realise that the scale of bein better can only be defined by me.. and I needed a break from wanting to be better.. for a while i wanted to dwell in being ok with the way I am....

I booked my ticket to Nyc.. I dont know if I am ready to take part in the contest or whether I ever will be..
I just know I want to go to a place where I can experience being different, and find myself again.
The person I have seemed to lose touch with..
I have plans, but I am slowly realising that if i just be myself , life will bring to me whatever it is i need to learn...
so for the time being, i am not stressing abt being better.. im just concerned with being myself :)

lil box of hope..

SO.. its been a long time since my last post..
Ive been trying to figure out how to edit my layout all this timeeee.. What a moron!

Trying to recap things that have happened in the dance scene in Mumbai recently and the general progression and degression of my life..

Well sometime last month.. my friends organised a local B boy battle..
Two crews against each other..
I have a lil clip which i would like to put up of it..
I would say that the dance form is spreading quite fast, however, its still not widely understood and people in Mumbai do not have a vast knowledge of the roots or music behind this culture..
Personally I find it inriguing as a dance form, however I do not have the strength physically to be a B girl, would have loved to be introduced to it when i was young, I think I would have been endlessly fascinated.
There are kids here who are very passionate and practice every alternate day for hours, I find their passion and unrelenting hours inspiring and so pure in their goals.
Im currently also managing their group.. to help them get gigs.. They have one coming up april 3rd..
everyones gotta make some money too... the necessary evil of every artist sadly...
Doing gigs to fuel your dreams.. is just part of the reality of moving forward..
Once you understand that I find its easier to accept projects you may not love... Looking at the bigger picture.. makes u slowly move along in the present.

What else... hmm.. Did a bollywood shoot... was a different experience for myslef... In essence I am a freestyle dancer.. I like the energy of real time and pure expression, learning to develop new skills.. too...

Also a b-boy group from Los angeles was in town to do a commerical..
Dont know if I would offend people by using their real names in my blog... hence I wont...
Went out one night, watched them dance after a 24 hr flight to India..
Makes me realise how much I truly love dance... watchin people who are so passionate about it...
feel a mixture of sadness that I never had this exposure growin up, but also joy to be able to be in some way part of it now..

BACK to the present moment.
I HAVE A DREAM... said Martin Luther King... I love this statement.. so simple and profound..
He didnt live to see his dream materialize but his story and his realised dream is a symbol of hope and endless possibility to one and all.
In my struggle to fight my injuries and constant chronic pain, which stops me from moving forward in dance.. I too have a dream...
It is silly for most people.. but evokes so much emotion in my lil indian heart lol..
My life is a combination of intense sorrow from a broken heart to immense clarity that only real pain can bring someone..
My pain has lead me to a discovery abt myself and life.. even though the tears roll down my eyes ever so easily.. they fuel in me a sense of being alive.. and make me believe in a better tomorrow.

I would like to go to NY in July and take part in the House Dance International.
I probably wont qualify, maybe ill flake out and let my nerves get the better of me..
But in my troubled mind, there is somewhere in its deep crevices, a tiny box of hope..
It is my only place of retreat.. Maybe it will lead to immense disappointment... but I have to atleast try..
So today starts my journey.. towards this somewhat silly dream to most people..
I hope , my lil box of hope...

need to become a better blogger!

Still need to figure out how to manage this blog!
Need some pics!
And organise my writing
CHRIS MAC GENIUS UR HELP IS NEEDED!
ALSO NEED A DIGITAL CAMERA BAD!
anyone wants to buy me a present!

Life of an Indian freestyle dancer

My name is Priya Gonsalves.
I was born in Mumbai 1984, when the only stuff to watch on television was hansel and gretel and giant robot.
I am a freestyle dancer. I taught myself to dance, i wouldnt say taught cuz I just knew how to dance from as far back as i can remember.
I am not clear as to what drew me towards this amazing energy of urban street style dances, as it was not within my immediate surroundings or reach, however some things i do rememeber.
I think my introduction to some of these stylez was a vcr casette my grandmother bought for me and my older brother , who was a Michael Jackson impersonator lol.
I think it was BREAKIN, the movie with shabadoo, whose name i only really became acquainted with last year, even though watchin this movie when i was 4 or 5 years old, sparked some sort of love for i guess you could say STREET ,URBAN dance within me.
I remeber vividly, the crazy clothes, the earings, the colours, everything.
For a 5 year old in India , this was so far from my reality, yet I found it do strangely appealing and fascinating.
I do not the intricacies behind the making of the film, as i recently find out that people from that era may have been opposed to the commercialization of these dance styles, but i am nevertheless grateful that at age 5, i was somewhat introduced to this world, that has 20 years later, continued to be a large part of my life.
I think me and my brother called the movie BOOGALOO, not sure why?
All i know is thats what we called it.
Everytime me or my brother were sick , my mom dropped us at my grandmoms for the day, and our treat was a slab of ice cream and BOOGALOO or more accurately Breakin.
I must have seen that movie like 20 times, but as the years passed my memory faded, but i guess somewhere in the back of my mind the seed was sown as far as my love for dance was concerned.
I find my story with dance, strange and liberating in many ways, as it has been a wonderfully bizarre journey that has defined my life in many ways.
Ive had to quit cuz of long standing injuries, ive had critisisms from dance companies that i joined, that did not understand my style of dancing and generally people not relating to my love for a dance form that most people think lacks the technique as compared to its more classical counterparts.
All i know is the freedom of movement associated with house dance, wacking mixed with african and latin mixed with hip hop and breaking etc etc is something i cannot describe when i see.
It is everythin and nothing, it is raw and eloquent, powerful and sensual.
I am still a baby in this world, and as the days pass by , i explore it more and more and am amazed by its endless possibilities, its like drinking out of a pool of expression, one that can never run out.
I danced tonight at the club.. nothing compares to this feeling.
I feel so alive!